idealized, unrealized

who am i when i’m with you?

idealized, unrealized

who am i when i’m with you?

i only know by logging the verbal cues, following the eyes contact

i see myself changing in your eyes

a shape shifting in the light

the heat, your eyes

i cannot sleep if i’m too hot

another body beside mine keeps me awake

i fake sleeping and lose time

the night is a battle for days

i am uncomfortable cuddling unless you are my friend

lover does not equal friendship

sometimes i love acquaintance

because of how infrequently i am required to engage

sometimes i prefer to take breaks from receiving love

when i am alone, all one, i generate an excess amount: i am love

with legs, long legs

i realize my reflection in the mirror is untrue

and you see me in a way i never do

couldn’t if i wanted to

would i recognize her as me

or as she you create me

to be

idealized, unrealized