The Ghosts

A ghost is “an apparition of a dead person which is believed to appear or become manifest to the living, typically as a nebulous image.”

My inner children—aged 8, 12 and 20—haunt my words and rarely materialize in paintings. These young ones have been traumatized and, when triggered, return via flashback; they aim to survive because they do not know how to let go and grow up.

The 8-year old is afraid of the rapture and consumed with salvation. She wants to be good.

The 12-year old is stubborn and vulnerable; she feels deeply and expresses with honesty. She wants to make her own choices.

The 20-year old is hypervigilant and secretive; she looks over her shoulder with shame and doubt. She wants to trust, and believe in love.

It is true these phantoms of myself haunting me with unfinished business or ongoing confusion are indistinct. I remember the inside of experiences, because I am on the inside of this body looking out. It can be difficult to know who I am referring to when I am unable to be objective of myself. I log memory obsessively, cataloging these ruminating thoughts as clues, and stamp the memory with feeling. When my head reattaches to the body, I will know what to expel and in what form—as written word, as song, as painting.